16 comments

chintan ruparel's picture
chintan ruparel
1516 pencils

good art, wonderfully crafted copy. amazing build up. but dude, th font gave me a tough time!
overall, very good stuff guys...

~ old habits die hard, older ones never do ~

addyhoch10's picture
addyhoch10
2592 pencils

agree 100%. great art

when will people learn to use readable fonts for such long copies?
(at least this is real handwriting and not one of these 'handwritten' fonts...)

PeteHH's picture
PeteHH
202 pencils

very cool!

sparkplug's picture
sparkplug
81 pencils

I must admit when i saw this as a thumbnail, I was worried how it would turn out to be. But as I began to read it, it really, really arrested me! Fine piece of copy and art. This one's my favourite of the three. However, there may be a typo in the tube ad. Can you spot it?
Love these totally. Crispin Porter, here they come!!!

desailly's picture
desailly
470 pencils

Excellent. Gives yet another lie to people who suggest that long copy is dead.

Yokel's picture
Yokel
604 pencils

Doubled in weigth.

Even spelled correctly I'm not sure what a package doubling in weight signifies. I know what they mean to say, but ... doubling weight?

jennywhx's picture
jennywhx
1142 pencils

i love the copy, but the font give me a very hard time.

Skor's picture
Skor
208 pencils

Awesome.. I loved the story..seemed so innocent until....

Except for the fact that dudes... long copy with typos....

Weigth

"Quiet" Fidgety

the_ashlands's picture
the_ashlands
1394 pencils

i absolutely hate the illustrations on these...they look like crappy sketches that never got finished.

desailly's picture
desailly
470 pencils

Yes there are typos. There are also cultural mistakes, as in the previous ad: in England, you probably wouldn't refer to it as a "video store", for example.

For Christ's sake. It's a piece of student work from a book, no? It hasn't run. If it had, a sub and 3 other people would have copy checked it. Why do people struggle with just appreciating the idea?

Skor's picture
Skor
208 pencils

Its a piece of student work... Hence the importance of extra care...

A future copywriter that cant spell right... hmmm... what would you do, desailly?

PaulyG_fill in the blank's picture
PaulyG_fill in ...
1148 pencils

Creepy. I may take a cab home today. VEry effective!

Copy_Can's picture
Copy_Can

*GREAT* copy. Well done.

PaulyG_fill in the blank's picture
PaulyG_fill in ...
1148 pencils

I agree, great. But the more I read it, the more mistakes I find. There are 4 or 5 spelling errors and a grammar mistake. I realize it's only a student's piece, but nonetheless, put that in your book and show it to a creative director for a copywriting position, and you can kiss your chances goodbye.

teenie's picture
teenie
1894 pencils

The quite/quiet mistake annoys me no end. But overall the tone is nice if unnecessarily long. Needs a good proofread and some tightening up and it would work that much better.

hang-the-dj's picture
hang-the-dj
1262 pencils

Great copy I agree, but I think a 'happy' looking pic would have twisted it nicely.

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