Jesus. I can’t bare it. Why do I have to poop in public? Why can’t I have the same privacy my owner takes for granted? Man’s best friend my ass. Every day I’m forced to defecate in front of complete strangers. How’d my owner like that? I bet you he’d get stage fright for sure. He’s got no backbone. I mean, he’s the one picking up after me. I wouldn’t go near his crap with a ten-foot pole. I have to get over this. I just need time. Today’s not the day to deal with this. Tomorrow. What if Muffin’s there today? Sweet, sweet muffin. Will she still be interested after she sees me in the act? I mean, she’ll be there for the same reason, but we hardly know each other. It’ll be awkward for sure. I’ll just pretend I don’t see her.Maybe I’ll just hold it. It’s so cold out there. Doesn’t he care? I’m the one on all fours. I’m the one putting my reputation on the line, three times a day, every day. I’ll just have to face it. My life will always include public defecation. Why can’t I have a little tray like a cat? I could learn to use one.Why can’t I be one of those dogs that seem to love the spotlight? Is there such thing as a dog voyeur? Do they derive pleasure from pooping for an audience? Well, at least I’m not alone. But I won’t lie. Sometimes I feel like I am. Who am I?
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