16 comments

sumsum's picture
617 pencils
sumsum

to communicate water shortage with a towel is ok. but the line tooo constructed and the credibility suffers from that. another idea may work better.

Jet Propulsion Lab's picture
10689 pencils
Jet Propulsion Lab

I've never heard someone say the line is "too constructed" when critiquing an ad. What does that mean exactly? And the credibility suffers because of how the headline is written right now?
This is one of those ads that makes a brutally clear case about the issue at hand and tells it in a very direct but creative way.

I see the visual, I read the headline, I understand the message and I might even be compelled to act in response (by calling the number provided.) That, my friend, is the true definition of a well-"constructed" advertising.

sloppy4's picture
1508 pencils
sloppy4

the headline does feel constructed. it doesn't flow or sound like something a person would say.

Jet Propulsion Lab's picture
10689 pencils
Jet Propulsion Lab

Not every headline has to be written in a colloquial form. The line here is simply "stating" the problem. And it feels very appropriate to the subject matter the way it's written. You don't need to water it down by making it sound "street" so people may digest the message a little easier.

But my main beef about your comment is when you said the headline "doesn't flow." So, lemme ask. Which part of the headline feels so disjointed that it eludes your comprehension of it?

That said, it would've been grammatically correct if they'd said ".... many Victorian animals will this summer." But hey, last time I checked, we're in goddamn ADVERTISING!

sloppy4's picture
1508 pencils
sloppy4

it's friday jpl. have a smoke.

re: the ad. you don't find saying "on this tea towel" the least bit clunky?

Jet Propulsion Lab's picture
10689 pencils
Jet Propulsion Lab

Dude, I quit.

To be honest, I don't know what a tea towel is. (I'm guessing it's the same as a "dish cloth?") We definitely don't drink a lot of teas over here, do we? I but I guess (for the purpose of the ad) it's much better than using a bath towel or beach towel. Because the smaller and less thick, the more urgent the message will be.

Have a good one, Burns!

sloppy4's picture
1508 pencils
sloppy4

you too.

BOOBJOB LOOBCANNON's picture
1848 pencils
BOOBJOB LOOBCANNON

I second that. I like the ad a lot, but the line is not natural. Looks like a translation, but it isn't.

We're going to need more lube.

john doe's picture
1573 pencils
john doe

too constructed - too far-fetched

BOOBJOB LOOBCANNON's picture
1848 pencils
BOOBJOB LOOBCANNON

I like it. Was confused by Victoria, thinking it meant from the Victorian era, but I see it is from Victoria the place. Makes sense now. I like it.

Baloony

We're going to need more lube.

jazarah's picture
1264 pencils
jazarah

not bad

poojagadodia's picture
194 pencils
poojagadodia

http://www.watgame.com
its not attractive ...might not hold the attention.....good but could be better...:)

Salet's picture
288 pencils
Salet

The idea is great. I don't agree with the art form and think the copywriter should have spent a few more hours on the line, but again, great idea.

Note it now that you'll see this idea again, executed better, probably for water deprived orphans or something.

copywriter_n's picture
52 pencils
copywriter_n

the line didn't really get me to the point...
but the idea's good, took me a while to get it

FlyingDogs's picture
968 pencils
FlyingDogs

Lovely!

Rog's picture
6108 pencils
Rog

Speaks to Australians (living in that particularly dry part of Oz) bewdifully.
Rest of yous drongos, rack off! ;)

>>>> That's not an ad. THIS is an ad.