playgirl

please comment I´m a danish ad student;-)
...I know, a lot of text...

playgirl

32 comments

everartz's picture
everartz
7603 pencils

hey sascha... did you read it before posting it here? there are many mistakes in your copy... besides the arrangement of the text is not that good
i suggest you re-do it from A-Z...

| Everartz |

Conceptual-eyes's picture
Conceptual-eyes
1475 pencils

This is so bad. I appreciate if English is not your first language but 99% of English people can write better than this. Your grammar is appalling. Try writing in Danish or learn English properly. If you have even one mistake in your book as a copywriter it's almost certain you won't get the job. Sorry.

Guilherme Bill Luz's picture
Guilherme Bill Luz
202 pencils

junior ad, horrible your advice...we can critique the work but u shouldn't say such thing. too bad!!!

Conceptual-eyes's picture
Conceptual-eyes
1475 pencils

I fundamentally disagree with you on this. I believe it is imperative that we give honest critiques in this forum. I know that I too have posted some poor work in the past. Only because of such honest and constructive criticism have I learned the importance of attention to detail in my work. My point being that if no-one had been constructively critical I may still be posting mediocre work.

However, I appreciate that it's never acceptable to be overly critical or use derogatory language in the forum. Being kind can do more harm than good. --

Nick

sascha's picture
sascha
113 pencils

Hey guys!

Yep, u are right - I wrote it late last night. And thought my highschool english was just infallible...this morning I certainly got wiser! Sorry, I promise that next time I put a text up I will be a lot more critical...
And to Jnr AD, fortunetly I don´t want to be a copy - but AD (most of them say they have a little dyslexia anyway;-) ... Since I don´t believe I have that, and I like to write a lot, it's no excuse... my apoligize to the readers..

Thank for the correction
Sascha

chintan ruparel's picture
chintan ruparel
1516 pencils

good spirit!

~ old habits die hard, older ones never do ~

moonunit's picture
moonunit
125 pencils

Guys relax, i think the spelling/grammar mistakes are intentional, to show "bad education".

still, i don't like it.

It's ok to exaggerate the problem (of spelling?) but this copy is just too difficult to read, i would probably skip this ad the minute i'd start reading it.

TRICKY's picture
TRICKY
3921 pencils

if the biatch is that dumb let her rott in hell ....

The man who stops advertising to save money is like the man who stops the clock to save time

adabortion's picture
adabortion
619 pencils

"my apologize" to the readers? I thought you got wiser? I regarded the ad as worth discussing thinking maybe the errors were 'on purpose' until you started explaining. I think you do have to review your work properly before posting my friend.

moonunit's picture
moonunit
125 pencils

so the errors were on purpose or not i don't understand.

chintan ruparel's picture
chintan ruparel
1516 pencils

i think they were... i seriously hope so.

~ old habits die hard, older ones never do ~

Conceptual-eyes's picture
Conceptual-eyes
1475 pencils

No they weren't as they're also in the body copy below.

ellehcimeo's picture
ellehcimeo
3522 pencils

Sascha - if you are going to be an art director, may i suggest you art direct. this ad is just text on a red background. it's not even particularly nice to look at. by that i mean it's plain. this might get you somewhere if you were a copywriter, but you aren't. stretch your art directing muscles! do something great with this idea, or trash it and post something that you are really proud of.

sascha's picture
sascha
113 pencils

Yes... Thanks Ellehcimeo. I know, but I wanted to let the words speak for themselves,
and let people make their own horrible pictures - else I would spoil the "surprise" at the end. And Yes it didn´t work out at all - as my text was full of erros (works fine in dahish) - which I have apoligized for Previously.
For the rest of u, come on guys, jesus christ I made a mistake - let it be, and get a life... this ad is the one I got most comments on, does people just like to critise in here?! If you were just as good saying somthing about the things I maid that´s without erros - I would maybe respect some of your words.. So much for tolerant freely spirited creative people ... Jesus I´m sorry to make your day that bad!

Sascha

ellehcimeo's picture
ellehcimeo
3522 pencils

i hope you didn't think i was ragging on your text. i read the previous post you made about the spelling errors. that's cool with me, you are trying a language you aren't familiar with. more than what i would do, you won't catch me trying out danish or spanish or hindi! you certainly don't need to apologize to me!

thank you for posting your ad.

Conceptual-eyes's picture
Conceptual-eyes
1475 pencils

Keep going Sascha I'm sorry to have been one of those nasty critics, just get someone to check your words for you next time. I think what Ellehcimeo means is to clean up the layout a little. It can be copy only but typically that would require a great headline to attract a reader. Remember we see 3000+ marketing messages a day so it's imperative that you gain your prospective audience's attention. My advice would be to keep this in Danish, think up a smart or shocking headline and tidy up the typography. Remember that we all care (well most of us) about nurturing creative talent on this site so don't get too disheartened with the critiques as you will get better and better. Just never give up because being an Art director at the right agency is a fantastic way to earn your pennies. G'luck Sasch' -- Nick

sascha's picture
sascha
113 pencils

Thanx Nick and Ellehcimeo... So there is still goodness left in you people.
I will see if I can believe that - instead of being frightened off:-)

Venlig hilsen og tak for gode og brugbare råd, saludos y gracias por consejos buenos y útiles.
(for Ellehcimeo it means "greetings and thanks for the good and usable advices" in danish and spanish
-sorry can´t help with the hindi version;-)

Sascha

Surly creative director's picture
Surly creative ...
140 pencils

I feel like an abused hooker after reading that ad. I hope an actual prostitute created it as an attempt to reach out for help. The forum section should be a place where people post work to get actual feedback. They should put up a filter to help weed out complete garbage like this. Not everybody has to go to ad school, but could they at least pass kindergarten?

ellehcimeo's picture
ellehcimeo
3522 pencils

given all the previous posts to yours, i can't even imagine why you think it's necessary to post such degrading comments. they were not called for, nor were they helpful to the original poster. shame.

Surly creative director's picture
Surly creative ...
140 pencils

what a pussy

ellehcimeo's picture
ellehcimeo
3522 pencils

good luck with that attitude. you'll need it.

sascha's picture
sascha
113 pencils

oh, what was it again... Surly creative?!

chintan ruparel's picture
chintan ruparel
1516 pencils

guys...sascha isn't entirely wrong...with some of the comments (mostly poking fun and degrading the author) arn't constructive at all. in such cases, we ad students are left scared whether to post an ad again or not. i guess v all need to chill a bit and encourage everyone to cheer up come up with better stuff d next time around. coz if u see sascha's work, or even mine 4 dat matter, not all ads are 'plain bad'. bt one fault n everyone pounces.

~ old habits die hard, older ones never do ~

sascha's picture
sascha
113 pencils

thanks chints4u7:-) More love to this forum!

Cheers
sascha

chintan ruparel's picture
chintan ruparel
1516 pencils

anytime :)

~ old habits die hard, older ones never do ~

Surly creative director's picture
Surly creative ...
140 pencils

chints4u7 you should team up with sascha and perhaps you two can become an advertising force that cleans agencies after the good creatves leave.

chintan ruparel's picture
chintan ruparel
1516 pencils

dude, backoff...seriously! i don't wanna degrade myself by abusing u anything like that, let alone arguing with a wannabe nut like u. y don't u post some of ur recent ads (if u make them, that is) n then v'll see who's what!

~ old habits die hard, older ones never do ~

Stigset's picture
Stigset
1456 pencils

I agree,
Surly creative, you don't bring anything constructive to this forum, other than to piss people off. But then again, that's probably what your intention is (and that's just childish). And yes i'd like to see your work as well.

esotericusername's picture
esotericusername
313 pencils

Take it, swallow it, regroup and try again.

And if anyone didn't understand that, let me translate it to the language that is threading itself through this conversation.

tak it, swalo it, rgrop y ty agan.

m_aboudy's picture
m_aboudy
17 pencils

nice one and the idea is great but done before

Pouts's picture
Pouts
691 pencils

HEEEEY PEACE TO THE PEOPLE! I think the idea is good but the medium is wrong! it might be perfect for a TVC!

So many people arguing why don't we choose anOTHER! way. Try it in TVC! if your directions skills are good you can produce something good here, but Print doesn't do for me, as you said lot lot lot of text for nowadays!

Besha's picture
Besha
299 pencils

Sasha you have a great attitude. English is my second language, so I totally understand you.

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