Diamond Car Wash - updated

As you can see, I'm still struggling with the copy. Initially I thought a simple "we don't do (offer) massage" would say it all (they'd do to your car anything that a real spa would except for the massage part). Then I thought that descrybing the services they offer like they would be for a person would be more "appetizing" and make you want one even for yourself not just for your car. Do I have something good here or should I start over?

Diamond Car Wash - updated
Diamond Car Wash - updated

5 comments

jteslik's picture
jteslik
1391 pencils

HAPPY ENDING??? Jkjk.

Okie, here goes. Visually, first one, purdy good. Second, nope. Pillow isn't reading as pillow, and it's making it look more like a hotdog truck. First one is subtle, second, not so much. If you're going to shoot for a powerful visual, think about what an actual car at a spa would look like. If it's like a tire print coming out of a sauna or something, you might just be able to get the idea across without too much copy. If you go subtle visual, you need copy.

Next, "We don't do massage" does not convey the strategy, which I thought was supposed to be "Give your car a break." Tagline should tie everything together, not obfuscate it. Write some taglines.

Next, Car Wash Auto Spa isn't reading well for me. Just make it Auto Spa. People will get the idea. The term "Car wash" cheapens your brand and throws off your USP as a full-service type of place.

Next, you BLEW YOUR LOAD on the first one. When I gave you terms to keep in mind, they were for individual headlines. You threw all of the terms together in a single headline, and suddenly you have no content for others in order to campaign this out. Don't...do...that. Focus on a single term, write a dozen headlines or so, repeat for each term, then do it over again if they still suck. There's so much room here to write, it's absurd. Then throw in a "Happy Ending" one for good measure.

Start writing.

jteslik's picture
jteslik
1391 pencils

These are gonna be terrible.

- Your happy ending is the ride home.
- Bubble baths and aromatherapy. You'll wish humans had it this good.
- The most loyal lady in your life deserves some body treatments.
- Leave feeling like a new manifold.
- Gentle cleansing and aromatherapy. Kiss that old pizza smell goodbye.
- We'll even rub your back bumper.
- When driving every day is taking its toll, have your human take you in.
- Clean out [cleanse] your insides in just 5 minutes.
- Feel like a thousand miles again.
- Treat her well, and she'll give you the ride of your life.

Some of those are seriously stupid. But hope it helps get your brain rollin' on these.

shanuea's picture
shanuea
783 pencils

Sorry to be harsh but the visuals are terrible. Way too far removed from the subject. The copy the same.

I know Jtselik rolled out a bunch of tag lines above but they are all pretty cheesy.

There is perhaps an interesting concept in here but I would suggest in this instance being subtle would work best. You're being subtle, but from the wrong direction - ie. it looks like a massage ad, but with a slight twist towards car wash. I'd suggest making it look like a car wash ad, but with a slight twist towards massage.

Hope that made sense.

crisp's picture
crisp
1506 pencils

I'll keep the first visual and do the "exercise" you suggested. :) Thanks for the suggestions, JT. You've been very helpful.
@shanuea: Yes, that makes sense:). I get what you're saying, but from what I read about them, they want to leave that "car wash offering a little more" (cosmetic treatments) behind and focus entierly on the cosmetic treatments. It's an auto spa/therapy center for cars or whatever you'd want to name it, offering car wash also.
Thank you, guys, for your comments

P.S.: I love it when I see completely different opinions, cause it helps me see more sides of the same story and that gets me on track. Have no idea if what I just said made sense for you :)

mattndan's picture
mattndan
953 pencils

Like I said before, the idea of a spa for your car is nice. You don't need to be super clever with the visuals, just show my car being pampered like its in a spa. The hard work is in the idea, so a subtle execution could work really well.

For example (off the top of my head) you could have a monogrammed towel with the car's license plate number. Or a guy doing that choppy hand thing they always do for massage but on the car. These aren't ideal, but I'm just trying to say you don't need to try to be clever imo.

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